I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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