Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
