Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Randomize
