Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am spending my child support on dildos
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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