shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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