He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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