i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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