You made me cry and you don't even care
so that wasnt chicken after all
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
