Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
