I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
