I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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