According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
