There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
