I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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