Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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