you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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