shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
