Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
