I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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