Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
this is an emotional support booty call
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
