Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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