did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
from now on my penis is your penis
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
