you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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