What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
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You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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