I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
