he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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