Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
