party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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