some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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