she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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