shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
