1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
