his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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