My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
