Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
