Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
