Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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