I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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