My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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