my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
