Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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