Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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