where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
