yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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