Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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