After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
