If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
