I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
