just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
