you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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