Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
