Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
