apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
