so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
