All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
