Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
