Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
