I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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