i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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