Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
