that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
