I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
