I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am naked and annoyed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
