Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize