also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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