Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
