True but thats because hes a fetus.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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