Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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