is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
