I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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