the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
