I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
